Saturday, October 09, 2004

One of My Better Days

Despite my lack of sleep, today has been one of my better days. I finally managed to talk to the psychiatrist and I finally got an official medical report and some drugs were prescribed to help me sleep.

Also got to release stress today since I introduced the CCHQ people to the board game Settlers of Catan, and I did meet up with my gaming group to play a session of D&D.

Got a message from Booktopia that there's new stocks, but unfortunately, I won't be able to pass by until Monday. So if there's any book you're looking out for, feel free to send me a message and I'll see if I can get it.

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Friday, October 08, 2004


Right now there's really a lot that's wrong with me, most notable of which is a lack of sleep. I mean for the past few days, the longest sleep I've had so far has lasted two hours, with the shortest one as quick as thirty minutes. It's now the second day and I've probably had a total of three hours of sleep. Of course I can only be thankful that I'm not any less energetic for the lack of sleep.

So I guess it's going to be official. I'm not human. I don't need food, drink, and apparently sleep to continue on living. I wonder what else I don't need to subsist on?

On a side note, there's got to be something better on TV at 4 am in the morning.


This time, I was wide awake when the earthquake happened. I was actually at the computer and felt the earth tremble. It's a good thing it didn't disrupt the flow of electricity. Suffice to say, I didn't panic, and knew the earthquake for what it was. And despite my room being a mess, it's all perfectly balanced that nothing fell when the incident happened.

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Thursday, October 07, 2004


Just found out a few hours ago that I'll need to consult with a psychiatrist aside from my psychologist in order for me to resign. I feel trapped again. My heart's beating faster than it should.

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Tuesday, October 05, 2004


For me, taking care of the environment is an important thing, not just for myself but for the people around me. I mean in certain respects, I'm protected from most of nature's hazards. Right now it's raining and it feels like there's a storm brewing. In such a scenario, I'll be safe at home, protected from the hazards of the weather. But what about other people? The pedestrians? The squatters? Those who live below sea level? They will get affected by it, and it would even cost some people their lives. Of course on the other hand, I'm not complete invulnerable. The pollution level in the city is killing my lungs little by little. Elsewhere where the air is cleaner, I'd probably risk eating a lot of chocolate. Here though, breathing becomes difficult, so it's not something I'd take a chance on.

Perhaps one of the most brilliant things I've heard from my Sci10 teacher two years ago was the fact that we have to care for the Earth not for the Earth but for ourselves. And she has a point. The Earth will still be the Earth whether it's a utopian paradise of a bleak wasteland. The planet will endure and survive one way or another (even if it might become as barren as the moon). It's the inhabitants (that means us!) that suffer from the changes in the environment. So I really think there's good incentive for us to take care of our world. Don't do it for Mother Earth. Do it for yourself, and for the people you care about.

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The Nightmare Before Christmas

I just can't help but laugh at the irony last Monday when I was at National Bookstore. The decoration outside had Halloween as a theme, yet the music that the mall was playing were Christmas songs.

And while people are now counting that it's 80 days before Christmas, there's really a few more months ahead of us.


How to Break into the Game Business

Interview with Clive Barker part 1 and part 2

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I made one of the hardest decisions tonight. I formally resigned from my job. And yes, making that decision was indeed difficult because I honestly don't want to resign. But I do have problems with my subconscious and it's taxing on me in my nonworking hours. So I guess I failed to live up to my previous posts about staying in my job no matter how difficult it gets.

And perhaps the second hardest decision was actually formally resigning. I mean there's always the temptation to not just show up and leave everyone clueless, including the company. Or I could also sabotage myself and get myself fired or something. It might even cost me for making that decision. But it's something I have to do; I'm the guilty party here. I have to face the consequences. I have to live with my decision and face it head-on.

Perhaps right now the question that I'm wondering is if I had the chance to turn back time, would I do as I did? I mean on one hand, it was a great learning experience for me. On the other hand, I'm trampling on several people, including the company and my coworkers. The sacrifice I've endured is worth the growth. However, it also came at other people's expense and there's something wrong in doing something if you know in the end, you'll quit, rather than trying something because you don't know whether you'll succeed or not. But ruffled feathers aside, I'm glad I had this entire opportunity to grow and learn more about myself.

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Sunday, October 03, 2004


I'm currently jittery and my heartbeat is beating at a fast rate.

I really have anxiety for my job.

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