Shallow

Not so long ago, I was this shy kid who didn't get to make a lot of friends when it came to the opposite gender. One of my motivators in meeting girls was because they were pretty. I'd probably give my heart to the first cute girl I met. And the next. And the next one after that. I couldn't imagine committing to one girl, because I found a lot of girls pretty (but thankfully, I was honest; so when I was you're cute or pretty, I really mean that, and it's not a feeble attempt at flattery), not that I had any luck when it came to courting (or that it had reached that stage). More often than not, I'd gather my courage to introduce myself to a girl because I found them beautiful, and had intentions deep down inside to ask them out. But of course, we were just friends.

Now whenever I met a girl, I'd be looking at her on two levels. The first level is how other people perceive her. For example, when I was younger, I didn't find Chinese girls attractive. They were blech! to me. But of course, the rest of the population didn't share my opinion. And hey, I wanted to impress the rest of the world as well as myself. So it is possible that you're a beautiful woman and the world sees it so, but not for me. I mean an example of a celebrity I don't have attractive is probably Ara Mina. But hey, a lot of Filipinos drool over her. And because of that, in a hypothetical situation, I probably wouldn't mind being around the likes of her. Perception number two is how I perceive the girl. I mean we all have different tastes, and some people find other people more attractive than others. I have a friend, for example, who has a fetish for skinny, Chinese-looking women who wears glasses and/or braces (and the joke was that if I were female, he'd be courting me). And so, I find particular girls more attractive than others, even if the rest of the world doesn't see it that way. These type of girls were probably my end goal at the time, and I'd get into their good graces by either a) telling them they're pretty (which is true, but the real technique is to mention it in an off-hand way or in a manner that the other person doesn't take it seriously), b) be helpful to them (but of course in general, I'd helpful to everyone because I'm constantly seeking the approval of everyone else and not just girls), or c) treat them out (whether it's loaning them stuff even if we just met, buying birthday gifts to people I haven't known long, etc.). So in my own way, I became a likable guy, even if my intentions were far from noble.

In fourth year high school, one of my classmates suddenly told me that one of his female friends knew about me. He told me that we shared the same interests (i.e. anime) and that we met during my stint as a salesclerk at Comic Alley. Her name didn't sound familiar (but I was always bad with names... I'll remember your face, the course you took up in college, where we first met, but never your name) but as my classmate told me more details, I remembered who she was. Now the girl was pretty in her own right, but not exactly a head-turner. She wasn't stunningly beautiful, and she didn't catch my immediate attention when I first saw her (of course over the course of the next four years, said girl will have hordes of admirers and stalkers, as well as the object of gossip and intrigue). After doing some research on the Internet (because she had her own website and we apparently belonged to the same mailing lists), I found out that we shared the same interests (and not just anime). In the corner of my mind, I was thinking that I had found someone who could relate to me.

A few weeks later, I found myself waiting outside her school (I came from an all-boys school and she studied in an all-girls school), even if I had never set foot in that place as I attempted to catch glimpses of her and find an excuse for conversation. Bringing me out of my comfort zone was the fact that I actually called her up at home, even if most of the time, the line was either busy or her dad would answer it. And of course, I did treasure the moments we did manage to talk. We really shared a lot of things in common and could relate to each other. Except for one thing. She wasn't interested in me.

Well, I wasn't totally clueless. I suspected it was so. And even during that time, the girl was already linked to two of my batchmates, and one of my classmates also had a crush on her (in fact, we'd go together to her school and wait for her; we were actually boosting up each other's confidence, even if it was under the pretense of rivalry). Perhaps what disturbed me was the fact that she meant so much to me and I had friends who were prettier than her. This actually caused me to evaluate myself and develop a third kind of perception: whereas the first two perception dealt with physical appearances, the third one involves the entire character of the person, which includes her personality and not just looks. I discovered that I can be attracted to other people, even if they didn't score high in the first two categories (namely how other people perceived her and how I perceived her physically). And in the end, this is probably the category I should be aiming for. Because I felt like I could commit to someone who fell under that category (or rather, scored high in that area). And interestingly enough, the third category wasn't static: it grew. The more I got to see a person (and I'm not just talking about my crush here), the more I'd get to know them, and the more I'd get to know them, the more data I have to make my judgement regarding the third category. And more often than not, this'll increase your score. So it came to pass that when I met other people, especially those I haven't seen in a long time, I found them more and more attractive the more times I got to see them (and so, I never lie when I tell other people that they're beautiful, or that I miss them... because I really do find you more and more attractive and I do miss your companionship). But this realization initially came from my reflection on how I felt about my crush (which who the girl was at this point).

Because I knew my crush wasn't interested in me, I didn't ask her out on my grad ball. I allowed my other friend (not the one who went with me to her school) because they were good friends ever since, and he didn't know who to ask out (and yes, I was depressed at the irony of that... because while she was my crush, it was my undecisive friend got to be with her). Unfortunately, my biggest mistake was that I agreed to sit in their table (actually, this arose from the fact that they didn't want their other "friends" to sit at their table, so they needed a space-filler to occupy that vacant slot, and I fit the bill). I was actually running away from my dilemma and I thought that my old, shallow self would be able to handle it. So I invited the prettiest girl I knew to be my date.

Unfortunately, that didn't really help. I was okay when I was with my date but the moment I saw my crush, my heart sank, even if beside me was one of the prettiest girls I knew. I was depressed for the next two weeks. My date was disappointed in me, and my crush didn't talk to me for one year.

It was a great learning experience for me though. I discovered that I could commit. And looks stopped being the be-all and end-all of meeting girls. If I befriended you, it's because I want to be your friend and nothing more than that. I learned true sincerity. And that, my friend, is something you'll never be able to take away from me.

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Portent of the Future

Right now, my relationship with my dad is far from perfect. He really cares about me, and of all the times to start being over-protective, it's when I'm in my twenties. I, on the other hand, often avoid him in general. Of course this wasn't always so. When I was a kid, I admired my dad (perhaps I admired him because he wasn't always present at home nor did he give me too much attention, hence giving him an air of authority). When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd reply I'd be a businessman just like my dad. And when dad would ask what I'd do for him when I grew up, I said that I'd buy him a Mercedes Benz.

More than a decade has passed and I've grown and matured. When friends ask what my father does for a living, replying that he's a businessman just doesn't suffice. They want something specific. I tried asking that question before and all my dad would tell me that he was in bearings for phones, whatever that was. Of course he has a new business now and thankfully, one easier to explain: continuous forms such as receipts. And during our Economics class in third year high school, one of our assignments was to ask our parents their success story when it came to business and ask what was the most difficult part of doing business. Since I was studying in a Filipino-Chinese school, a number of the students told the rags-to-riches story of their moms and dads, usually ending with hard work and perseverance as the moral for the day. My dad didn't have one of those. He merely told me that the most difficult thing about conducting business was collection. Of payments. And that was it. Of course six years down the line, I actually realized the profoundness of that statement. Because when it comes to doing business in the Philippines, some companies don't pay their debts on time, and you'd be surprised that these would be the big local companies (i.e. National Bookstore, Meralco, the government, etc.).

By then, my father didn't seemed so great. And by then, my dreams had changed. I discovered writing as my calling. Well, it was either that, the priesthood, or perhaps even psychology. My father was pushing for computer science since that was the trend during the time. Well, either that or business. For me, business was something to be avoided because of corruption one eventually succumbs to, such as paying bribes to avoid red tape, or paying off crime syndicates so that they'd leave you alone. Or simply dealing with undeserving idiots. And if I was actually an honest businessman, the advantage would go to the dishonest ones. Six years down the line, I came to realize that if I really want to be independent and set up a good future for me and my family, I'd have to go into business for myself. And that if one really wants to be good in business, things should be legal, ethical, and of course, focused on the people that do the business. Well, it's either that or have lots of capital, which I don't have by the way. That doesn't mean I've given up on my dreams of being a writer, but more of recognizing the need to do business, much like my good friend Dean learned several years ago. And Dean proves that you can both be good in business and in writing (and he has the awards to back it up). Specialization has always been a Western idea. I can be both. And it all fits into place, especially considering that during my freshman year, I was getting high grades in Math and Science (not to mention that I always had good business sense, and a need to purchase things at the cheapest price possible), which caught several of my creative writing classmates off-guard.

I guess in the end, my initial dream (to be a businessman) was as true to me as the one I chose for myself (to be a writer). Now all I need is to earn enough money to buy my dad a Mercedes Benz.

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News:

Ongaku Rave

November 13

@Premiere Cinema / Lucas Film THX

Mile Long Compound, Amorsolo cor. Dela Rosa St. Makati City

6pm - 2am

Featuring Live performances by:

Shiver

Soulstream

Shots of Redmist

Kuso Atama

Zero Percent Off

Xeven Thursday

Ethos

Do'Ahou

Sakurabeat

BBF/YAOI Dudes

Progeny

Himitsu Heiki

NEOtaku

Xogotha

Les Modernes Samurais

Kiseki no Hentai

Maya Hotcakes

Kossack

(changes could occur without prior notice)

the JMUSIC FASHION SHOW!!

~Dress up people!

Wear ur Best JPop/Jrock Getups!

Fire up the place with your Rockin outfits!

Great Prizes Awaits you!

PLUS!

Auction of Jmusic stuffs

and Human auction! -hehe

Different Booths and Exhibitors

Pre-selling of tickets will be on saturday @ SM Megamall foodcourt 6-9pm

look for sonnaqs, hazel, sento, leng or rotch and get it for only

100php for pre sold tickets.

tickets also available @ the gate and the bands for 120php.

Help Save My Favorite Website

EnWorld, source of RPG news and the like, needs a new server. Click on the link to find out more.

Plug

I don't listen to music, but anyway, here's one of my friend's website, Dale Ibay, a musician who came out with his own CD (independent release).

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Life of a Bum

There are may horrors to being idle. For some people, it means reflecting upon one's life and examining it with more depth. For me, it's utter boredom, and a deep sense of loneliness. The former, because I have lots of time, but unfortunately, everyone else doesn't have that luxury. I also don't have money, so I really can't maximize the fact that I have free time. The latter because well, I don't have any real close friends. At least in the country. And getting in touch with other people is awkward at best, and sometimes, they are busy and you don't want to disturb them.

It reminds me of the time when I was still studying (grade school, high school, college). Everything was pretty simple (although no less difficult) back then. You had set goals (study and pass all your subjects), you got paid on time (allowance is always good), and there's an atmosphere of social interaction (they're called classmates and batchmates). Everything was pretty much predictable, even the surprise quizzes. You do this and you get that. Allowance came at a predictable time. And since everything was predictable, you could also schedule your leisure time with friends. Making new friends was easy too... you already had something in common (i.e. going to the same school), and making an effort to talk to the other person is as easy as complaining about a certain subject or teacher.

Life outside school, of course, can be more difficult than that. For one thing, your social atmosphere is gone. You can't be a passive friend. If you want to make new friends, you have to actively make new friends, meet new people. And of course, the problem there is either you're shy (which I am, by the way), or the other person might interpret it the wrong way. Two, you have to set your own goals. No one's going to tell you what to do (well, our parents can always try and even then, it's usually in vague terms, such as "get a job", not specifying which type of job and how to actually obtain it). No one's going to schedule your life today, tomorrow, and the day after that. If you get a job, another person will schedule your life for you. But hey, in the end, you only have yourself to blame for that. I mean, why else did you apply for that job? And third, there comes the problem of money. Which is why most people look for jobs. Some companies don't even pay on time (if they pay at all). I mean if you thought getting your allowance late was bad, you should try not getting paid on time when you have bills to pay and groceries to purchase. Last but not least is the fact that you're more suspectible to random events. In school, you're more or less sheltered (physically and emotionally). In real life, you could suddenly get fired, find yourself lost in the middle of nowhere while it's raining, get robbed by a thief, or simply be the victim of illness when you have an endless list of tasks to do.

Simply put, real life is a nightmare. But hey, that's what freedom and free will entails. That's the good news and bad news about living. You determine yourself, but no one ever said it was going to be easy. We can ask advice on how to do things, but most people tend to shrug off advice and learn from experience (which isn't a lot at this point). It's a rollercoster ride with its ups and downs.

I'm just wondering when it'll be my time to flourish, and how much time and effort it'll take to reach that point. I really can't expect a big pay-off without the necessary hard work and smart planning. I just wish though I had the support of friends, and perhaps the aid of a mentor or two (perhaps one of the most disconcerting moments for me was when my dad admitted to us that he was simply lucky when it came to business since he was riding on the advice of a friend).

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Failure

One of the things people don't like to talk about is failure. I mean sure, we encounter adversity in life. People do conquer their problems. But let's face it, that's not always the case. Along with success comes the opposite: failure. Perhaps everyone I've met has encountered failure at least once in his or her life (and if you're actually someone who's never failed in anything, well, you've failed in failing). And of course, that's far from the most convenient of experiences. Which is why I want to talk about it.

I don't think anyone initially wants to fail. Failure is something that happens, sometimes no matter how hard you try, othertimes because you didn't exert enough effort. Failure, and its opposite, is sometimes a numbers game: for example, when it comes to exams, as long as you get a passing grade, you're not a failure. You're allowed to make a certain amount of mistakes. When it comes to most sports, it usually entails winning more than you lose. Sometimes though, it's not necessarily something that is measured in quantity. I mean during my stint in a call center, one good caller could make my day; it doesn't matter how many displeasing calls I got before that. Or when it comes to working on your relationship with other people (be it your family, friends, or significant other), it's not a matter of keeping count. But the one thing failure has in common is the fact that we experience it.

Now people react different to failure (and to people who fail). Some avoid it like the plague. Others learn from it and move on. Perhaps one of the most brilliant statements I've heard was from the editor-in-chief of a now-defunct online magazine. He mentioned that he was more interested in hiring someone who had failed than someone who was new and succeeded in everything that they did. Why? Because the former had experience, and they theoretically knew what worked and what didn't. Of course this assumes that the person who failed is the type of person who learns from their mistakes. I mean I know some people who are paralyzed by their fear of failing that they don't go out of their comfort zone because of the risks involved. One of the things I was told during my training as a call center agent was that my first day of calls will be the worst time of my life. And it was. But that's okay. I learned from it. And more importantly, I got back up. One of the overused but true statement during my stay there was "before you can get back up and run, you must fall down first". Sure, it was an unpleasant experience. But how else do I learn? How else do I grow? And while I try to avoid failure as much as possible, once I experience it, it becomes a memorable moment. And with memory comes remembrance, and from remembrance learning.

In any endeavor one pursues, one will encounter difficulties. If you're fortunate, you'll overcome it just like that. However, a more common result is failure. And to me, failure is good. It's a testament to your dedication, the true test of wills. If you failed and quit, then you probably don't want it badly enough. True courage means getting back up and keeping at it until you succeed. I mean we all make mistakes. But just because we make mistakes isn't an excuse to give up. If we did that, we'd learn nothing. I mean we surely fell down once in our life. Yet we managed to stand up, walk, and even run. Personally, I almost drowned learning how to swim. But that didn't stop me. Nor did it stop other people who were also learning how to swim. And when it comes to religion, many people complain to their god why them when they encounter tragedy. The philosopher Hume even asks if God was such a benevolent being, why does he allow suffering? I have a different answer to those questions, but when you think about it, it's because of these trials that true faith emerges. I mean how else will I know how dedicated I am to a particular belief or cause? It's by the trials we undergo, by our will to strive and continue, even against the harshest conditions.

Failure is only a real failure if we allow it to be one. I have a goal, I have a dream. I'll eventually fail in achieving that dream. Does that mean I give up? If I do, then that goal will never get accomplished. If I try again, then it's only a matter of time before I'll achieve that goal. Sure, it might cost me an arm and a leg. Or it might even take a long time. Let's be realistic here, after all. Not all problems can be solved just like that. It takes time and effort. It even means failing from time to time. Trial and error, after all, has perhaps been the oldest (although not necessarily the most efficient) way of learning things.

And in the end, because I'm a failure (not in the permanent sense), I shouldn't judge others too harshly as well. We're not perfect, after all. People make mistakes. People fall down. I should know, I'm one of them. Perhaps the best thing we can do for other people is to be there to support them as they get back up, and give a helping hand. I know I'd appreciate it if I were in that position.

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Dreams

I have lots of dreams. There's lots of things I want to accomplish. Take, for example, gaming. I want to play a lot of games, whether it's card games, board games, RPG games, or miniatures.

There's also writing. I always end up coming back to it, even if I'm preoccupied by something else (like video games or work).

And of course, I want to help other people. As a writer, I know the nightmare one must undergo to get published. And perhaps part of the reason for that is the distribution system. There has to be a better way. It can be improved. There must be a way for aspiring writers to get published and be recognized.

Last but not least are my fellow countrymen. I don't want dole-out solutions for the poor. I want solutions that pave the way for their independence and self-sufficiency. Yes, there will always be "poor" people, but we can at least improve the quality of life these people are living.

Dreaming isn't bad. But one must ask one's self, what steps are we taking to fulfill our dreams?

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I'm Shy (No, Really!)

Yes, I'm a shy person. Now to some people who know me, this might comes as a surprise. I mean for one, I'm someone who appears to know a lot of people. I also attend public events like gaming and anime conventions (and yes, know some of the people who participate in such events). Did I mention that I'm someone who actually tells other people that he's a stalker? And if you don't know me, well, you might be wondering why I have a long friend's list or numerous link to other bloggers. So claiming to be a shy person is something other people would find hard to believe.

Yet it's true. I mean I know people who are naturally charismatic, who manage to strike a conversation with anyone, anywhere! An example of that is my friend Elbert. Now Elbert may or may not have been born that way. I can only be certain of myself. And I can assure you I was far from charismatic. I was the kid who often had snot dripping out of his nose and was buck-teethed whenever he smiled. I was afraid of initiating a conversation with people, even if we had a common interest. I mean whenever I saw a kid who went to the same school as I did (easily identifiable because of the uniform we wear), I'd silently hum our school anthem just to get his attention (sorry, didn't work, I was probably humming too softly). And don't get me started with girls. At age ten, holding a girl's hand was taboo. The fact that I went to an all-boys school (never mind the fact that an all-girls school was a street away) didn't help either.

You might be thinking that was just my childhood. I'd soon be the outgoing person you know now. You're wrong. At age fifteen the only friends I knew where those from my school. As for girls, the only ones I knew (let alone talk to) where those from Sunday School. It was so bad that during my freshman year, I didn't really meet anyone during our Acquaintance Party. When you're in a room full of strangers, dancing alone can be justified by saying you're dancing with the group. I found myself so pathetic that I cried after the event and swore to myself that I'd never end up like that again. Not that my situation was any different the year after that. It was our Sophomore's Night (which is pretty much like a prom, except it happens during your sophomore year) and the girl I asked out was a friend's sister, who happened to be attending Sunday School (there was also this girl from Sunday School that I asked but she declined). I didn't know her well, but she was probably the closest thing I had to a female friend (in the sense that I knew her name... and that's probably it) at the time. Perhaps what was even strange was the fact that our table, instead of a boy-girl-boy-girl seating arrangement, instead had a boy-boy-boy-girl-girl-girl setup, and we were actually the only ones in the room who were in such a situation. So as you can see, I was still shy six years ago.

But incidentally, it was during my Sophomore's Night that I took my first step in going out of my comfort zone. Remembering the events of my Acquaintance Party, I promised myself that I'd change for the better. Incidentally, my date, who happens to like anime, struck a conversation with one of my friend's dates who also happens to like anime. They were talking most of the time during our Sophomore's Night so I didn't really have to talk to my date much. My friend's date though was actually pretty and since she shared the same interest as me, I thought I'd get to know her more (or more importantly, find out how to get in touch with her in the future). I wasn't really successful but it was a big step for me. I reasoned out that hey, I'm lonely now anyway. If I make the attempt and get rejected, what do I have to lose? I did find out from her that she frequented a certain chat room and so I eventually went to that chatroom and talked to the people there. To make a long story short, I gained new friends aside from the existing ones I had. My romance was far from successful (and in the succeeding years, continues to be that way) but at least I got to meet new people.

Since I'm a glutton when it comes to rejection, I found a job working as a storeclerk for Comic Alley one year later. I really loved anime and playing card games. However, I didn't love talking to strangers. But hey, that's what the job entails. So you do it. I was perhaps the most unpleasant storeclerk you'd ever seen. I never smiled. I didn't sound cheerful. Even until now, I'm known for my monotone voice (if I was an actor, I'd say my acting talent is up to par with Keanu Reeves). But strangely enough, I met new people and made new friends. Perhaps the most important thing I subconsciously learned while working at Comic Alley was how to be transparent. I mean I encountered lots of customers. When there was a customer who caught my fancy (either because they're pretty, or had the same passion as I did for the hobby), I was eager (perhaps too eager) to be their friend (and perhaps that was why I made a good storeclerk in the end), and the customers knew it (but unfortunately, the opposite was true as well). Thankfully I made more friends that enemies but I probably concentrated too much on the latter. I was still afraid to meet new people.

College was perhaps the best time for me. I was in campus full of strangers, and I was only too eager to make new friends. Not that I'd take the initiative to do so. Other people usually did that for me. And that's actually how I got to meet my college friends. I wasn't the one who was approaching them, it was they who were approaching me. And I can understand why. You're in a new place, in unfamiliar territory. Nobody wants to live alone. So you do things which you wouldn't normally do. Such as talk to strangers. And when I noticed this behavior, I also thought of doing the same. I mean why not? Everyone else is doing it. Besides, adversity is perhaps one of the best ways to bind people. And being a freshman in college seems like a daunting task. I built bridges with people. And other people were only too happy to oblige.

It was also during this time that I made goals for myself. My mission was to eventually know everyone in my batch (that's what stalkers do!). But I'd take it one step at a time. For me, that meant befriending someone new every week. That was the minimum. And hopefully, after 208 weeks, I'd make 208 new friends at the very least. Sure, that's not the entire batch, but that's still a lot of people.

Mind you, I wasn't in it to take advantage of other people. I was in it simply to make new friends. Because I know what it feels like to be lonely. I don't want to feel that way ever again. And more importantly, I don't want other people to feel that way too. You'd be surprised at how much you can change a person's outlook for the day by just saying hi. And surprisingly, how I changed by saying hi to other people. Because I really do miss you, my friends. You're the reason why I am who I am today, you're why I continue to live on.

In case you don't know, you're all special to me, each one of you. I'd like to thank you for being my friend (and taking the time to read this). I mean as a human being, the best I can ask from others is to be their friend. And you guys and girls took the time to say yes. There's nothing more a shy guy can ask.

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After more than twenty two years of living, I know that life is difficult. Not that I'm itching to kill myself and be done with it all (although it is tempting), but adversity is part and parcel of living a full life. Let's face it, even choosing to live is a difficult choice.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not being nihilistic nor pessimistic. Sure, we do have great moments in our lives. We actually have lots of memorable moments, experiences that we treasure. But if we carefully examine those memories, we'll remember that more often than not, those memories were memorable because of the problems we faced. Perhaps the most common would be our memories of school, for example. We were students once, and nearly every student hates exams. Who doesn't? I'm sure each and every one of us has a memory of a certain exam. Perhaps we failed it. Perhaps we overcame it. The latter would probably be a joyful moment tinged with pain as we remember the nights that we had to study for that exam (or perhaps how lucky we were and how fate has been kind to us). So difficulty is actually ever-present, and as long as we continue on living, we will face problems.

Choosing to live is a difficult choice. It means we're asking to continue with our responsibilities, continue with our burdens, and perhaps more importantly, continue with our hopes and dreams. And nothing breaks a person more than being unable to find the fulfillment they want in their life. I don't think I need to explain when this emotion comes around. It might be whenever we encounter failure or disappointment. Or perhaps it's what some people call a mid-life crisis. Or perhaps it's when we're disgruntled by our jobs, or have conflict with the people we live with. It's a common occurence. For some people, it doesn't stay that way. They overcome it. For others, they cope with it or else it might drive them mad. I'm one of the latter people. I'm taking steps to overcome it, but sometimes, it's simply not working. It seems as if the entire world is working against me. Why oh why must it happen to me?

It's really too much to bear for one person. Yet somehow, we survive. We make it to the next day, the day after that, and the day following that day. We all have coping strategies of our own. For me, one of them is having faith. It's faith in God, faith in my parents, faith in my friends, faith in humanity in general. Without faith, I'd probably end my life now, with this entry as my suicide note.

I look at myself and I'm a boy who has an undergraduate degree yet can't find a job. There are bills to pay. It's not just a problem of the now. It's also a problem of the future. I don't intend on being dependent on my parents until the day they die. They deserve better. I deserve better. I'm willing to work hard. I'm wiling to learn. Yet why is all this happening to me?

In the end, it doesn't matter what I'm disgruntled with. It might be school, it might be work, it might be relationships, whatever. As long as I choose to live, those kinds of emotions are inevitable. It's part of living life, it's part of how we grow. How else will I become a better person? How else will I be able to help myself? How else will I be able to help other people?

Marx would probably call me a fool. I have nothing to base my faith on. Even philosophers have waged the never-ending dispute whether a God exists or not. And humanity, for all the good that it's done in the past, has a long history of wars, betrayal, and self-destruction. Yet I still believe. Not because I have no choice to believe in anything else, but rather because I choose to believe. Just as I choose to live.

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The Long Halloween

Strangely enough, Halloween started as early as Friday, with Mega Mall open until midnight to make way for its Halloween sale. And of course, outside was a free concert, so it was, again, a traffic nightmare.

Saturday was spent playing RPG at a friend's house, which is too bad because I missed out on the gaming convention. But hey, isn't the point of attending the gaming convention to play games? So no regrets there, although freebies are always good.

Sunday was taxing. I planned to go to church, go to Glorietta to claim my book orders, and then go to Eastwood to attend the gaming con. Of course when I was planning this, I assumed we would have a driver at home. But alas, Sunday is not a day of rest. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't lugging around a lot of stuff (more than the usual). And then when I got to Glorietta, well, let's say my weight doubled.

The gaming con was great, although I unexpectedly found myself cosplaying (my philosophy on cosplaying is that I have no money for a costume so if you give me one, I will wear it, except Sailor fukus). So Halloween marks the second time that I actually cosplayed. And I got a gift check too!

2nd Gaming Con Cosplay Winners

Audience's choice goes to Cathy, who was in her Bayushi Kachiko outfit. First prize went to Robert Wong, who's on a winning streak with his Sauron costume, Jewel in her angel costume (I forgot which one but it's a Magic: The Gathering angel that's probably color black), and of course, Morgul King in his Lord of the Rings outfit.

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