Sunday, January 27, 2002

Sunday Sunday Sunday. What's so special about Sunday? Why is it the start of the week? Why not Monday, or better yet, Saturday?

Forgive me for my ranting above. I'm still not the sane old me. Not much happened today aside from the usual. Went to church, went home, went to Virramall, went back home, went to grandparent's house, went home...

Chloe was acting strange in church today. For one thing, she asked how I was. I replied that I'm still the same. She then asked me if I was okay. I said yes (even though that's not the truth). That made me think how often people say they're fine even when they're not. I'm lonely. I wanted people to reach out. But I just couldn't tell them. That would only make me look more pathetic than I really am. Aside from the fact that they don't want to. I'm digressing though.

She then began to ask our teacher and pastor what happens when you're dead. Do we continue to live on? Do we suffer? Is heaven a sure thing? I merely wondered what could be bothering Chloe. She was fearing death, either for a loved one or for herself. Our teacher said Christians aren't afraid of death. I guess the same goes for me. I don't fear it. Often, I even welcome it. But perhaps that's the wrong mentality for me. It's too easy if all my problems went away when I'm dead. I'm sure there's an afterlife which makes you "live" with the choices you made. Death isn't easy. Just as life isn't. I'm still not afraid of dying though.

It's roughly thirteen hours before my assignments are due and I haven't typed even my name. It's so like me. After sending text messages to people I know, I've realized that some of my batchmates are having their midterms this week. That includes my crush. And she hasn't replied to my email. *sigh* It's times like these I wish I had her number so that I can just send her a message even if it's just a simple good luck. That's my life I guess.

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