Tuesday, June 25, 2002

Isn't it annoying when people carry mobile phones yet they don't answer it?

Well, I'd be writing more today if it weren't for the fact that my brother is hogging the phone and I can't send my emails right now. I can't even see what's on other people's blogs right now.

For the past few minutes, I've been pondering on the duality of emotions. For example, what makes happiness special is the existence of sadness. (My teachers would probably kill me for using such a bland adjective). Well, my life's been full of downs lately but that makes it all the more special. I mean I can complain about the predicament of my relationships yet that makes success all the more valuable.

I've been in love with ***** for the past two years. Some people are rooting for me (strangely, the females) while others are trying to get me hitched with someone else (like Garr and the other "guys"). Perhaps I've been exaggerating when I say there's no hope between us. I mean I don't think she'll ever like a horrible person such as me. Yet at times, we manage to talk. I sometimes even manage to make her smile or laugh. There's nothing more precious than that to me. It's during those times that I see a glimmer of hope. It's a small chance yet for me, it's worth clinging to. As long as I have the smallest chance, I'll always try, never giving up. Why can't some people understand this? It doesn't matter if I get rejected in the end. What's important is that I do my best and not give myself a reason to regret the opportunity. In the future, I want to say I gave it all. The end result doesn't matter. I can love her all I want yet in the end, the decision is up to her. It takes two to tango, so the old saying goes. All I can do is be there, waiting, hoping.

People might call me a fool. So be it. I don't want to have regrets. I want to give everything my best. My friend once asked me this question: if you were going to give ten roses to a girl, in what amount of red and white would you give? My answer was that I'd give her ten roses. He then told me the interpretation: That means that you'll love her with all your heart yet she won't return it. If you chose five whites and five reds, that means that it's all balanced out and you'll both love each other equally. From my perspective, I chose the right answer. There's only one way to love a person: whole heartedly and without reservation. I'm not just talking about romantice love but all forms of love; friendships, relationships, even faith. It's difficulty, and some might argue it's unfair to myself. All I have to say is that it has to start from somewhere.

After writing all that, I don't know where all those sentiments came from. I didn't plan on writing the third and fourth paragraphs yet here they are. I just hope my crush nor her friends gets to read that.


Post a Comment

<< Home