Saturday, September 25, 2004

Screwing Up

For the past week, my morale for my job has been at an all-time low. I've been so immersed with my faults that I have a tendency to compare my call center job with the call center jobs of my other friends (in a different field of course), and flatly conclude that mine is more difficult. I wasn't being fair.

While there are several unpleasant things I could focus on, here are some things I like about my job:

1) Service. I'm actually doing my alma matter and church proud by being "a man for others". I help solve other people's problems. I'm going out of my comfort zone. And there are concrete results.

2) Compensation. I mean my job is not the only one that involves service. Many Filipinos are serving both the public and private sectors. However, some of them either don't get the recognition they deserve, or aren't financially rewarded as much as they should be. At least in my case, that's not really a problem. And that's something I can be grateful for.

3) Honesty. Depending on our occupation, some of us have to sacrifice our ethics for the sake of our job (well, either sacrifice that or say goodbye to your job). I'm glad that my occupation does not require me to sacrifice my integrity but actually builds it up.

4) Growth. This is arguably the most difficult event I've faced in the past twenty two years. But with adversity comes growth. I know and feel I'm a better person because of all the things I learned from my job. And I'm continuing to grow. I'm also learning more about myself. I've discovered I want to teach. And hopefully, in a few months time, I'll be able to do just that.

5) People. In my workplace, I get to meet new people, both from the constant influx of new and old coworkers, and from the calls I get. Sure, not everyone is pleasant, but I am exposed to a variety of personalities and cultures.


At heart, I'm really a dynamic person. I don't want to stick to any one thing, at least not constantly. For example, I don't have any one favorite movie, anime, comic, video game, food, etc. When asked such a question, I state that I like a lot of things and I'm not focused on any one subject matter. I'll give you a spectrum of answers, and they're all true.

Even my taste-buds are just as sensitive. I can't have a snack of crackers every single day, for example. I usually have a rotation of cake (if it's available), ice cream, potato chips, crackers, Campbell soup, instant noodles, and anything else that's available at home. I don't drink softdrinks but instead I have Snapple. And what I like about Snapple is that they have different flavors, so while I can claim that I have Snapple every day, I can also say that I don't drink the same flavor consecutively.


Of course my dynamic personality inadvertedly applies to my friendships as well. I've never really formed a long-lasting, personal tie with anyone. Just as I'm about to do so, something out of my control happens: usually they either leave the country, or that person drifts away (and it's not due to a lack of effort on my part). That's not to say I don't keep some friends at arms-length. I plainly don't have as much time as I used to have, and it's really impossible to make all my friends close friends, given the time constraint. And since I have a variety of tastes, I don't want to impose one particular hobby of mine (i.e. SF&F) to friends who aren't into that kind of thing (i.e. comic afficionados).

Right now, the biggest realization is that once the weekend hits me, I'm all alone. Sure, I can always visit The Comic Quest gang, but I feel I'm always there and sometimes imposing on them too much. And honestly, I don't really want to spend every single moment of my free time with them (no offense intended). Moderation is always good.

Of course that leaves me with a dilemma who to spend time with. Some of my other friends are as busy as me, except they have different schedules (i.e. I'm free when they're not and vice versa), while others I'm too shy to ask. I'm usually the type of person you invite and then I appear rather than me inviting the gang to go somewhere or to do something.

I'm always eager to meet new people though, especially friends I haven't met in real life. One thing I'm also eager for are the cosplay events since that's the only time I get to meet (and be useful) to my cosplayer friends.

I also apprecite email and comments from my friends, although both are a scarcity nowadays, aside from the usual "happy birthday" line. Honestly, we really can't have much of a conversation with "happy birthday". It's like saying hello and then moving on. In fact, happy birthday is more like saying goodbye; it's a farewell statement rather than an excuse to probe into another person's life. And while it's nice to be remembered, I hope I'm more than just a memory.


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