It's been a long day and I still have a Theo quiz in a few hours. And I have seventy seven freaking emails in my mailbox. The things I do for my friends...

I think I should start with my nonfiction class, considering it's my only class on Thursday (effective now) although I've been at school since 11:30 am while the class begins at 4:30 pm.

The mood in class radically changed from perky to depressing and painfuly. I mean it was Betsy's birthday tomorrow (actually now today) and she was selling some pastries for their fund-raising. Everyone was smiling and happy. And then came the topic we were supposed to discuss. We read this haiku:

The world of dew

is a world of dew

And yet, and yet...

-Kobayashi Issa

As we were discussing what it meant, Coni felt it the most as her grandfather had just died and their family didn't receive the body yet as it was still abroad, somewhere. She burst into tears and the Hedda would later cry as well as it was the death anniversary of her friend.

In a way, I can relate. I mean I've lost a friend whom I met through ICQ. We weren't that close though so perhaps the emotional attachment isn't that strong. Still, I miss her now. She accepted me for who I am. It's a sad story though. Her entire family died in a car crash.

I've also lost my grandmother eight years ago. I had to absent myself from school just to attend her funeral. But I wasn't close to her (I'm not close to any of my relatives if truth be told). I don't even know her name. I just call her "ama", the fookien dialect word for grandmother. I don't think she has an English name. I'm bad at memorizing Chinese names. The only Chinese names I know are my own. I don't remember grandmother speaking in English. It was usually just Chinese words and gestures. I'd pay my respects to her but that was all. No intimate conversations, no in-depth interactions.

Now my grandfather is another thing. He died last year (which is why I'm wearing dark-colored clothes for the past year... it's a Chinese custom not to wear bright colors for two years). He didn't speak English also, although he did say a few Tagalog words and I saw a lot of him. He also has an English name. Sam Yu. That's the name given on his funeral in addition to his Chinese one. I actually miss him. But his death didn't cause me much distraught. I'm not that close to him. There will always be the language barrier I have with my grandparents. And they didn't exactly show a lot of affection towards us. Grandfather is like the caring relative who's near yet so far. I don't know much about him and the same goes for him. But he's always there. At least he used to be.

And now, my grandmother on my mother's side is in the hospital for the past two weeks. I haven't visited her though. I don't think she can talk. She's had this tube connected to her throat for the past few years. And even if she didn't have that, there's always the language which I never cared to learn and one that everyone expects me to know even if no one bothered to teach me.

I can relate to the deaths my classmates experienced, but not the feelings. Maybe I'm turning apathetic. Yet I feel so much pain around me...

Of course the class also talked about sadness, especially the one Coni was feeling. People cope in different ways. Concon would jog around UP so that she actually does something and gets her mind off the subject, as if she was "running away from the dilemma". Coni, on the other hand, stays at a secluded place near the observatory where she can think by herself and admire the view.

How do I cope with sadness? Ela and Izza awhile ago told me it was corny. I mean when I'm depressed or sad, one thing that cheers me up is people's smiles. I want to make them happy. While my own happiness if far off, I can feel its presence in others. The fact that I contributed to that happiness makes me feel better. Ela and Izza told me it's a reason that's not quite believable. But it's true. Which is why I'm generous as of late. I'm semi-depressed but that doesn't impede my life. I try to make the most out of it and try to help others when there's not much I can do for me. At least I'll make a difference in another person's life, and that somehow affects me, giving me my own inner strength.

Anyway, before the class, I was able to see Denise and offer her a Chips Ahoy cookie. Denise is cute and kind. *sigh* I'm glad she consented to taking a cookie.

And as if my bag wasn't heavy enough, I brought my yearbook since Christine wanted to see it. Stayed with her for around an hour, allowing her to browse through the yearbook. It's only now that I actually got to see it in its entirety. Gosh, I didn't know it had our graduation ball pics. There's even a picture of the table I was in. Bundi and Erin were in the middle of it while Sheila and I were in one corner.

Of course Christine was looking for familiar faces. She did say that she remembers the faces but not the names. Of course she was also looking for prospective suitors. I guess I fall for the same syndrome: remembering faces but not the names. I mean I could tell this person's habits, his mannerisms, his likes, dislikes, everything but his name. There's something probably wrong with my thought process.

I was at the Podium by 8 pm since I was supposed to meet Arianna and company by 8:30 pm. I was expecting around eight people to come. Only Arianna and MM showed up. And then there's the almost one hour wait for Tin to arrive. She came from Los Banos. And Tin doesn't have a mobile phone. It's hard to contact people you're supposed to meet without a phone.

Since there was only three of them, I treated them out to Burgoos. I could afford it. Of course strangely enough, the bill for the four of us was more costly than the bill I got last week in treating out nine people from OAV (plus me).

Oh yeah, Benj, Garrick, and Richie have no reason to complain. I ate a lot. Some ribs and tomato soup along with the side dishes of vegetables and rice. And don't forget the onion rings. Carrot juice was my drink. I was full. Even Arianna, who usually chides me to eat, didn't complain. I wonder if they'll blog about it.

Of course by the time we ended, it was 11 pm. The MRT was closed and we had to take a "normal" bus meaning one not air-conditioned as Tin suffers from claustrophobia. Yes, claustrophobia so phobic that air conditioned buses causes her sickness. But the one normal bus passed us by so we decided to take a taxi. And there began my walk from Annapolis to home.

Unlike the other day, I was wearing my Nike Presto rubber shoes. They're soft and comfty that I didn't even feel my blisters. Of course at the price I bought them, they should be.