Thursday, July 15, 2004


While it's true I really can't write about anything interesting if I don't leave the house, the extreme opposite is also true. I've been spending more than half the day away from home that by the time I get to my house, I'm too exhausted to write, read, or even watch the shows I recorded on tape.

So what have I been up to lately?

Book Pimping

Well I have been going from one end of Metro Manila to another to get books for Dean, Vin, and Drew.

Games Games Games!

There's also me playing the occassional VS card game with whoever's willing to play with me, especially considering I don't own even a single card.

And there's the D&D Miniatures hobby of mine (for those interested, there'll be a game next Monday at Neutral Grounds Glorietta at 7 pm) which is turning into a two games a week affair.

Finally, there's me and the Comic Quest people playing whatever board game is at hand, whether it's Upwords, Monopoly, and Settlers of Cataan.

Beautiful, Kind, and Sensitive

Of course through some miracle, I did manage to go out with some, uh, pretty girls the other day (unfortunately, they all have boyfriends). Of course they did bring up the topic of the suitor who was kind but in the end is insufficient for them. And that makes sense, at least to me. I mean when people describe their ideal man/woman, the description that comes out most often is beautiful/handsome, kind, and sensitive. I don't really believe in those three criteria (or at least in the way most people understand them).

First, let's look at beautiful/handsome. Obviously, we do know some beautiful/handsome people. Of course having said that, we don't necessarily like all of the beautiful/handsome people we know. And why? Perhaps it's their personality. Or they're just not our type. So while beauty is a nice criteria to have in our significant other, it's not the be-all and end-all criteria. If the other conditions are met, we might settle for someone lacking in this category. Of course similarly, if we're faced with two attractive choices (usually two people with great personalities), this might be the swing vote.

Since beauty is out, there's just kind and sensitive left. While I'm not out to disregard these two characteristics, I do think it's not an appropriate description of what we're interested in. For most people, what we're really looking for is someone identical to us, someone who shares a lot in common with us.

Having said that, that's where being "kind" comes in. Honestly, we don't want someone who's "too kind". For example, I personally wouldn't want someone who smiles all the time, even when I'm getting angry. We don't want someone too forgiving. Forgiving of us, yes. But forgiving of others (for example, those who might insult us), no. At least not unless you're also that type of person. Similarly, we don't want someone who's too unkind. For example, it might be someone who gets agitated at the slighest mistake. Rather, we want someone who matches our temperament; just the right amount of kindness and lack of it. Someone who gets angry at the same people we get angry at, give or take a few notches. In other words, someone who shares the same moral norms as us (I honestly don't want to be talking to a wall that just smiles all the time, for example, nor do I want to constantly be a sponge for someone's anger).

And of course, who is in the best position to understand us than a person who shares the same interests or mentality as us? Honestly, we don't necessarily want someone who's universally sensitive to everyone else, just sensitive to our feelings. And of course, those who don't really understand us but feigns to do so merely nods or smiles at us, completely agreeing. But the one who truly understands us might even give additional insight, sharing their own experiences, or even suggesting ways of getting revenge or solving the problem, because they themselves know what it feels like. And the closer they resemble us, the better our chance of that happening.

Of course while I did say we're actually looking for someone identical to us, someone completely identical to us is also a no-no. We don't want a clone but someone with whom we can have dialogue. And sometimes, that means having differences, having variations. We're also looking for mystery, after all. So in the end, we're looking for someone who shares just enough common interest with us, and yet is also significantly different from us that while we do understand each other, there are still new things that can be discovered from each other.

I might also add that the criteria we set up for all this is determined by us. I mean there's no predisposition we can't change. We might have a thing for blonde-haired women, for example. But perhaps one of our close friends is a brunette and we fall in love with her. Once the relationship is over, we might look for qualities of our previous lover from those we meet, and that might take the form of brunettes. Or perhaps it's a trait that we first find annoying but later as we get acquainted with the person, it mutates from a flaw into a quirk, something we find wasteful but is cute nonetheless. We are, after all, amorphous beings and self-determined.

All of this, though, is the standards we set for our "ideal partner". It's perfectly possible, for example, to live out the rest of our days in holy matrimony with a good friend, for example. It's a matter of choice, after all. And similarly, it's also because of choice that we want to settle for someone better. Since I'm still young, I can shoot for the moon and hope that I'll eventually meet my dream girl. But when you age, sometimes, someone willing to tolerate you will suffice. And it's because we can be content with that that we end up happy (it could be better but hey, it could also be worse; better with someone rather than die alone).


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