Monday, November 15, 2004


After spending most of the day at home watching anime and getting some writing done, I find myself with a need to go out, at least to regain my sense of balance and rhythm.

Of course when I enter the mall, one of the first people I run into is someone who dislikes me (and well, the only thing that's more difficult than someone who's angry at you is when you have someone who's angry at you and you don't know the reason why). I'm complained about it before and this probably won't be the last time I'll be talking about it. I think it's reasonable to say that in the long run, it's easy to make friends. I mean when you meet complete strangers, it's probably a practice by a number of people to give them the benefit of the doubt. Thus when you introduce yourself to someone you don't know, there's a good chance they'll believe what you say, unless you have a reputation looming behind you. However, keeping your friends (and in the case of some people, your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse) is perhaps the more difficult aspect of a relationship. And perhaps we can all agree that losing the friendship of someone you already know is more painful than getting turned down by a stranger (like when you offer friendship, or perhaps ask a stranger for their phone number). I find it ironic that the people we usually doubt the most are the ones we're more familiar with. Take for example my class in high school. When a mobile phone got stolen, the primary suspects were our fellow classmates (on a side note, I do think it was most likely one of my classmates that stole the phone). Or perhaps in the case of some boyfriends/girlfriends, they're the ones who immediately jump to conclusion at the slightest sign of infidelity (which may or may not necessarily actually be infidelity).

Perhaps the real question is how do we behave around these former friends, people who we were acquainted with but now treat us with emnity. Personally, if I just run into them alone, I have no problems with that. I mean they're the ones that usually avert their faces. I tried talking to some of them but they usually spurn me. So nowadays, I ignore them unless they're willing to actually give me their attention. I mean I can't talk to someone who doesn't want to be talked to now can I? But more often than not, as was the case earlier today, the person is with a mutual acquaintance. Obviously, you don't want to suck the mutual acquaintance into the vortex of your conflicts. But you can't say hi to one person and ignore the other person, at least without it looking improper. Well, that's what I usually do. Thankfully, the mutual friend probably got a hint of what was going on and so didn't bother introducing me to someone I already knew. But what if they didn't know there was conflict between me and the other person? That's some shaky ground you're treading on, and of course, at the back of each of our mind's, there's always the voice asking what if the other person is telling all these nasty things about you (which may or may not be true) in the hopes of persuading the mutual acquaintance that deep down, you're really an evil person. My best advice for that is to move on. I mean I will always have people who will dislike me (whether justly or unjustly so) and all I can do is hope for the best that if we have mutual acquintances, the mutual acquaintance will decide for himself/herself what their actions will be. I mean I do know some people who immediately take the side of one and antagonize the other. There are also those who are forever stuck in the middle, isolating the two people from each other whenever possible while still maintaining a good relationship with both. I'm not saying which is the right or wrong method. All I'm saying is that hopefully, you base your decision based on your own actual decision rather than merely be swayed by either party.

Of course over the past few years, perhaps that's not the most painful thing that I've encountered. There are instances when people I thought were my friends were actually backstabbing me or stopped associating themselves with me, setting up a false front all this time. Or perhaps I find myself misjudging a person and being guilty of jumping to conclusions. But there are also satisfying moments, such as rekindling an old friendship, or making amends with someone you quarreled with. Perhaps the best philosophy I can espouse is to be open and willing to forgive. People, after all, change with time.

Today was sweet since I did get to hang around with Vin at his shop, as well as meet up with Robert, whom I haven't seen in quite some time. But of course, there's still a lot of friends whom I have yet to meet.


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